


Don't Say His Name

by crimmus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brothers Are The Worst, I Tried, One Shot, they're sad about odin!! it's rough!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimmus/pseuds/crimmus
Summary: Right after Thor: Ragnarok, before the events of Infinity War.It wasn't something that could be ignored, not to Thor. For all his faults, he had been their father... But some things were better left to lie, to ease over time into a thing that could be easily enough let alone.Perhaps some part of Loki had known his fool of an adopted brother had no such sense, but even so...





	Don't Say His Name

**Author's Note:**

> right-o, I haven't written fanfiction in a dog's age (haha last time I wrote I was publishing to ff and it was...something alright) and i won't lie, I'm not. good.  
> so read with...I guess few expectations?

“Don’t say his name!” Loki spun around to face his brother, a snarl etched on his graceful features. “Don’t.” He repeated softly, a finality to his tone.  
Thor stood defiantly, arms crossed and expression hard. “We can’t pretend he didn’t exist, brother. For all his faults, he was our father.”  
A bitterness flashed across Loki’s face, his lips twitching. “He was happy to be your father, Thor. But I know his ‘farewell’ was no more than a meager man’s attempt to make right that which he could not hope to fix,” Loki snorted incredulously at Thor’s apparent ignorance, “Did you not see through that? Are you so blinded by your faith in the man?” Thor shook his head, an incredulous expression on his face, as though he could not quite believe what Loki was saying. Finally, he replied, speaking slowly- carefully. “Truly you do not think of our father so? Truly you have not grown so bitter? Tell me, brother, tell me that you haven’t been feeding yourself lies about him all these years!” By the end of his spiel, his voice had grown dark, thunderous...ringing through the room like the cruel toll of a great bell.  
For a moment, the brothers stood at an impasse, tension crackling through the ship cabin. 

They had been in flight for only a handful of hours, the scars of the battle that destroyed their home still fresh to their minds. Perhaps it would have been simpler to leave things as were, to let the tenuous bond of trust remain untouched.  
But such things were precarious, and so easily displaced.  
Thor had gone to Loki’s quarters in an ill-advised attempt to talk out what had happened; to open a bridge of support through them; to forge the small measure of good faith into a proper bond. But such things would have been better left untouched, as their standing situation told clear as day.

“We did not grieve as a jest, brother-” Thor started to speak, his tone less harsh, attempting to reason with Loki.  
“I am not your brother, Thor.” Green eyes flashed with rage and a hurt that had been so long neglected. “Don’t speak as though we’ve some bond, don’t speak as though we’re something we’re not.”  
Thor looked as though he’d been punched in the gut, confusion and hurt flickering in his eyes as he stared at Loki in disbelief. “Then we have nothing to talk about, Loki.” He pursed his lips, brows furrowing, “My memories must be different than yours, and for that I am sorry.” He turned to leave the room, then paused, “I am sorry that you cannot look back on our childhood days with the same measure of fondness as I, for I remember them as kinder days, Loki.” He stood still at the doorway, silent for only a moment before rushing headlong into ever more words while Loki eyed him uneasily. “I remember your clever tricks and our wild fighting, and I remember too well the result of our mischief when we were found out, as was always the end. I think on those days, when we would share everything with one another; every secret, every misdeed we did we did together, and if truly you think us not to be brothers, then I am sorry I misjudged our bond so long.” His tone was of true regret, and once more he glanced up at Loki, who stared still at Thor, his expression inscrutable. “But I am not sorry for the glad times we’ve shared, Loki. Only that they ended on such poor terms, and that you never gave us the chance to reconcile.”  
As Thor stormed out the door, Loki stood ever still, face unreadable and eyes narrowed. When his heavy footsteps had subsided, he collapsed on his bed, rubbing his face and biting back a sob of rage and misery. It was too much, this was all too much; better perhaps to stay enemies. Thor would not- could not understand, he’d been doted upon by Odin, but...  
There may have been a grain of truth to his words, that perhaps his childhood memories had been painted ill by his more recent revelations. But even so, it could not negate his righteous fury; it could not be buried by whatever pleasantries they’d had as children. Not when Loki could look back and see plain as day where Odin’s true intentions lay. 

It is an old hurt that Loki fostered, a bitter thing that writhed and lashed inside of him, eating away at all the tender kindness he once held in him, as though it ran on the desire to strip Loki of all that was good in him.  
Such wounds do not heal all at once, but with time and patience, they can begin to sew together. To leave the person scarred- but whole.  
But one has to be willing to heal, they have to be willing to step back and look, to see what they fight so hard to avoid.

Loki glanced at the door, and a ragged breath pushed itself free, shuddering and shaky. It was a step, to consider that there may yet be ways to improve; it was a step towards trust and kinship. And _perhaps,_ Loki thought, _perhaps it was a step worth taking._

**Author's Note:**

> annnnnd that'll be all for tonight, folks. Hope it was a fun read if nothing else, I definitely had fun writing it! 
> 
>  Constructive criticism welcome but not expected! If you have advice you're burning to share, feel free since it's my first work on Ao3 ^^;
> 
> (Work solely by Mus, input and suggestions by Crim)


End file.
